Peace is All I Need

[Anya™]

Kos Mos stood still, knowing what was best. When they hugged, spoke quietly to each other, a small quirk of her mouth appeared, symbolizing something close to the beginning of a warm smile. But then it disappeared and she closed her ruby eyes, her hands tightening into fists. No, Maia... Don't get yourself involved. You can't take risks with anyone. You're nothing but an experiment and you're nothing but a robot inside, she thought to herself. "Just turn around and leave them alone," she whispered, doing just as she said.

When she had turned completely around, a white siberian tiger was in her place. The feline was smaller than usual, about three inches smaller than the normal male feline, and her figure was as lithe as her human form. Her slim tail flickered left to right and left again, her ruby eyes still closed as she took a few steps away from the siblings. She needed to let go of her past, let go of what she didn't have anymore. Benny, I can't hold onto you anymore. Its too painful for me...

"Maia, come on! Its just up the road! I rarely get to go to the carnival and I really really want to see the show they have this year!" he pleaded, tugging on both of her hands. Maia's waist long blue hair swayed, her ruby eyes bright with happiness and a warm smile spread across her face. She tugged back, throwing her arms around him when he hit her legs, and picked him up. Ben tried to put all his 'dead weight' on her, but it didn't work and only seemed as if he was asleep.

"Fine, Benny, but the show is the only thing we'll be able to see. We don't have too much money, especially since Mom and Dad passed away," she said, hugging him and giving him a raspberry kiss on his stomach. He squirmed out of her arms and his shoes slapped onto the cement. A large grin was plastered on his face and he grabbed her hands again.

"Let's go, let's go!!"

---------------

Maia sat at the edge of the road, holding Benny to her. Blood coated her shirt and pants, but she didn't let him go. Tears were streaming down her face, sobs shaking her small lithe figure. "Benny... Benny please don't be dead. This can't be happening," she said in between sobs, trying to get her breath at the same time. Her fingers tightened around his body, hugged him closer as she buried her face in his hair. Hands were suddenly on her shoulders, figures surrounding her, but she knew it was just the police. They had tried to pry Ben away from her, but it was useless.

"Benny can't be dead! You won't take him from me!" she screamed at the police figures. Suddenly she felt something sharp and wicked between her shoulders and as she looked up, she was alone. The police weren't there and neither were the ambulance team. No one at all except that blade. Her breath was ragged, her heart pounding in fear. She had to struggle, had to get away. As soon as she began moving, though, something hit her hard in the head and she fell to the ground. Maia wasn't exactly unconcious; she was able to see, able to tell what was happening. Her dull ruby eyes landed on her now deceased younger brother, Ben, and tears flooded her eyes anew.

"Benny..." she whispered, voice cracked as her hand tried to move toward the small body. "All you wanted... was to see the show at the carnival... I should have said no again... I'm so sorry..." And then she closed her eyes, feeling rough hands pick her up, and that was the end of her freedom, of her humanity.

Maia sat at the edge of a berry-filled bush, nearly concealed by the green leaves and multi-colored berries. [more like red, black and blue] Her face was buried in her arms, which were propped on her raised knees. Her longn azure hair was like a curtain, only a slither of seperation in the middle of her forehead. Tears were rolling down her face and this was the only way she could think of to hide before it had consumed her. Hopefully neither of th two would find her. She wouldn't be able to live with the fact that others had seen her first impression of emotions as crying.

[kiwi]

"Y....you look like him...." Adriana commented tears drowning her eyes still. "Look like who?" Shade asked still holding her tightly in his arms. "Father.....you look....so much like him." The young man frowned, "Shh....let's not think about that....please....it will only bring back memories...."

-----------------

"Throw me the ball! Come on Shade!" yelled a childish little voice as a small girl waved her arms up high, the breeze blowing through her long black hair. There was laughter not too far away, joyful laughter. A little boy bounced the ball to her a wide smile across his little face. He had short, ruffled black hair and amazing golden eyes. "There you go Adriana, bounce it back!." The little girl nodded and did so, "Oh this is so much fun!" the six year old squealed excitedly. The boy nodded, "Yeah! You think Mommy and Daddy would play with us?" Adriana's smile brightened, "I hope so! It's always fun when Daddy joins in, Mommy too." She set the ball on the ground and clasped Shade's hand tightly, "Come on! Let's go get them." Shade nodded and let his younger sister of two minutes drag him into the house.

Before she could manage a squeal of shock something grabbed the young girl. The little boy yelled, "Leave my sister alo---". However, before his sentence was done something grabbed him, too. The two children were then thrown ruthlessly to the ground against the wall, hands and feet tied up painfully in rope, duct tape across their mouthes so they could not yell out. They sat there side by side, backs against the wall both shaking in fear.

"You....you damned shifters!" yelled a rough voice. The voice came from a man dressed in all dark clothing, very spy-like. Another voice sounded, even raspier then the first. "Aye, What'd ya expect, Rab? Nothin' good comes from...these mutants." The one named Rab laughed, "Yeah yeah, I know Lorne. Let's just get this over with." A cruel gaze locked on the two children, "Come now you little freaks, watch....maybe you'll learn something." The two looked as instructed only to see their parents both tied up in the same rope, duct tape all over their bodies, face and mouth.

Tears were strolling down the children's faces as they watched the two men with and slash their parents, so horribly....They tried to close their eyes, but just couldn't....too afraid of what might happen if they did. So they stared....just stared as the two men continued to beat their mom and dad 'til a large puddle of crimson blood began to appear on the ground....staining the white carpet. The two tried to scream out for the men to stop, but it was only heard as faint mumbles. Finally, as if the whipping wasn't enough the one man pulled out a gun...aiming at their parent's heads. The other man laughed such a wicked laugh...a laugh that would never be forgotten. The man holding the gun just glared, "To Hell with you!" he yelled and a shot could be heard.

Then all was dark and cold. Damp as well. Everything was lost....

Both of them cried, painful tears...hoping to wash the memories away. "I just wish I could forget the past...." said Shade and Adriana nodded. "But no matter what we do....we'll never forget....".[/size]

[Anya™]

Soon, Maia was over with her little fit, yet she was still hanging on to her memory of Ben. No, no matter how hard she tried, no matter what she said, she would never let him go. Eventually, she moved away from the brush, shifting to her feline form and padding slowly toward the lake, wondering if the two were still there. All she wanted to do at the moment was stare at herself and think of her past, to relinquish the bad memories and bask in the good ones. When she entered the clearing, however, her hopes were down when she spotted the two. Being alone in this place would apparently be hard at the moment. With a small inward sigh, she padded to the edge of the lake, opposite of the siblings, keeping her eyes away from them and their reflection. The sight would only trigger another fit inside of herself.

The small lithe tiger looked down at it's reflection, ruby orbs staring back at ruby orbs. No emotions, no expression, completely blank like a robot. Just as she felt she needed to be. Benny, you were the only thing I could let in. If you were still here, I'd be more sociable. I'd be able to make friends and try to help to the best of my ability, but I can't seem to be able to without you. You were my life, little brother. I can't let anyone else in... The feeling of a knife stabbing into her gut appeared, her sharp fangs gritting together to keep her feelings in check.

[kiwi]

Shade brushed the tears from eyes and smiled down at her, "Just don't think about it okay? Push it into the back of your mind, take a nap or something." She nodded and managed a weak smile back, "Okay, I'll do that." He moved away from her so that she could be left alone once more, they didn't need to be clingy or anything. He looked back at her, "Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your animal form?" he suggested. Adriana nodded, "Good idea." And with that she changed to the sleek pelted creature, curling up and resting her head on her paws. Her grey-blue eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep. "Sweet dreams, little sister." he said quietly stroking the top of her head, moving away silently.

He gazed around and spotted the gorgeous white tiger. She had such a lovely white pelt, really. Shade shifted to him own Panther form, he looked like he did as a small cat only much much bigger and more wild looking. He still had illuminating golden eyes and a smooth black pelt. The feline was quite muscular as well, he had strong legs and powerful jaws; big paws as well with sharp claws. Shade walked quietly over to the lovely tiger, sitting upon his haunches when he was near her. His nose twitched as he brought in her scent, the same as the young woman's. "Kos-Mos?" he asked curiously not sure if it was her or not, she smelt like her though. His slender tail curled around his strong build and lay neatly across his large paws. He tilted his head to the side at her as he waited for a response, hopefully he'd get one.

[Anya™]

Her orbs didn't blink when he addressed her, but just stared at the water a few minutes longer. Ben was still lingering in her mind, the haunted scene of his death imprinted in her mind. Suddenly, the voice clicked in her mind, sending her leaping to the left and staring at him wearily. Eventually she relaxed, remembering where she was and who was around. Maia's ruby eyes locked with the panther's golden ones, giving her the indication that it was Shade. Padding back to her original spot, she looked at the panther and tilted her head to the right some to match his head-tilt.

"That's what they call me, yes. Do you need assistance of any kind?" she asked. Something mentally slapped her, screamed at her to not speak as if she really was a robot. He wasn't working for this place and there was no reason to act like he was part of their society. Shaking her head, fur swaying lightly on the smaller feline's coat, she closed her eyes briefly. "I'm sorry... I'm used to speaking like that... I guess you can call me by my real name. Its Maia."

[kiwi]

"It's not a problem at all." he said giving her a reassuring smile. "Maia you say? Thats much prettier then Kos-Mos if you ask me." The tom nodded, "A white tiger hmm? You look even lovelier now then you did before." He didn't really mean it in a flirting way, he was just simply being nice and speaking the truth. "I've never seen a white tiger before, only the regular orange and blacks one. Never a shifter though, only the kind you see in zoos and all. Poor things, I bet they crave to be free just like we do. In a way we are kind of like those creatures and this place is like the zoo. We're trapped here craving to be free, indeed very similar."

He sighed, "Maybe one day we'll find a way out of here y'know? Then we'll finally be able to breath again, I'm not even sure if the air here is real...." Shade perked up again, he just felt the need to smile around her as is she needed him to. She looked like she needed to smile herself, for all she wore was no expression at all. He dared to say something, "Come on, smile." he said kindly, "I'm sure you have a beautiful smile." His flicked his tail encouragingly on her shoulder, "Show those pearly whites". It was another he said to his sister when he was trying to make her happy, it usually made her laugh. Whether it was from his actual words or his sad attempt at trying.

[Anya™]

Maia looked at him as if he was alien for a few seconds, then turned her eyes to the water. If she was a human, her face would have been beet red. "Smile? I... I forgot how to a while back," she mumbled. When she felt a tap on her shoulder, her whole body seemed to jump and her paws slipped forward into the water. Her hindn claws dug into the ground, but didnt help much and she ended up splashing into the water. Maia came up in human form, azure hair glistening and sleeked back from her face--which was beet red. Dammit! What the hell happened? she spat at herself. Then remembered her brother. A soft laughter echoed through her head, her brother's laugh, and she even thought she saw a faded image of him on the bank, but it was gone before she could determine it.

Shaking her head and coughing lightly, she looked at Shade. Almost immediately, she looked away and began swimming toward the bank, diving under the water first, to calm herself, then reappearing right where she was sitting before. "I..don't normally do that. I usually have very good balance," she said, pulling herself out of the water with her arms. Fear clawed at her gut, actual fear. She couldn't get close to him or his sister. She couldn't be their friend. As soon as she was sitting again, she spoke as she wrung the water out of her hair.

"Shade... I don't normally care one way or another, but I think you should know. You and your sister are close, I picked up, and I don't think I'm really the right person to be getting to know. You see... something happened about a year ago and it made me how I am now, and Jarrn didn't help by... doing something to me. I'm like... a firework about to go off if the flame gets any closer, a clogged cannon, a volcano. I don't want to end up hurting you two when you're finally beginning to piece your life back together..." she confessed quietly, glancing over at him a few times.

[kiwi]

Shade found himself chuckling as she fell into the water, but the laughter ceased when her last words rang in his mind. He tried hard to keep his cheerful smile on his face, but it slipped away almost instantly. "Oh..." he said trying to hide the emotion in his voice. What emotion was it? Most likely sadness, he liked making new friends and well....when someone didn't want to be his friend it made him erm....upset? Well not really upset just a little....tweaked I guess. He changed to him human form again and scratched the back of his head, "Well y'know it's okay, things happen yeah?" Shade stood up on his feet arms stretched out above and behind his head. "Not exactly sure if I understand what you mean by you being like a volcano or anything, but I respect your wishes." For once he had a fairly blank expression on his face, although his lips were somewhat in a frown, but just barely. He tilted his head back and stared at the sky for a moment, the sun reflecting off of his golden orbs.

He looked back down at her, "It's quite a shame we won't get to know each other, I really win Jarnn would die..." Shade sighed and bent down in front of her, "Well uh....if you ever need to talk to someone you know who to find. Just ask around for Shade." He smiled slightly taking her hand in his and brushing a kiss on his, "Goodbye, Lovely." he said and started to walk away. Yup, that's Shade for you...isn't he nice? [XD] Adriana would be able to find her way back to the room on her own, she wasn't that in need of his help. He stood a ways off from them both near the edge of the mountain where it start to downslope. A soft breeze blew, ruffling his messy hair even more. He ran a hand through it in hopes of fixing it some. 'One day....you'll die Jarnn and then we'll be free.....and I'll help Maia somehow too, I won't let his sick experiments hurt anyone else....'[/size]

[Anya™]

Maia looked up at him, now with sad eyes, but she turned her head when he kissed her hand. She didn't really want to show these emotions, didn't want to let him see she was blushing a nice crimson red to this new sweetness she never really had. "Sorry..." she whispered as he walked away, bringing her knees up to her chest, her elbows on the outside of her knees and her hands in her damp azure hair. Her chin rested on her knees, ruby eyes closed tightly. I can't deal with it. It was for the better, Benny. I'll make bad choices and they'll end up dead! Like you...

That isn't true, Maia... You didn't know any better than me. It was just fate and I guess you could say I was ready to go. Don't blame yourself for something you didn't do. Not everyone can predict the future.[/b]

Benny... but I can't. I tried, but I can't. He'll end up hating, just like his sister will. I swear he only said those things to make me feel better or something. He was being a gentleman, not being truthful! Its just a scam!

Maia! Quit being such a drama queen and crawl out of that shell for a few seconds to consider what exactly is happening. If he didn't mean it, how come he looked happy? How come he seemed disappointed when you told him flat out you didn't want to know him? Just because you 'don't have feelings anymore' doesn't mean others are like you. Maybe Shade and Adriana are able to help you where I can't anymore. At least give them a chance.[/b]

Maia flinched back, her hands falling to her knees. Slowly, her eyes opened and her ruby orbs looked around. Her brother was right; she needed to give them a chance and give herself a chance at living. Taking a deep breath, she looked toward the direction Shade went, then let it out slowly. Instantly, she was on her feet and running, skidding to a halt just behind Shade quick enough to prevent herself from running into him. "Uh.. S-Shade... I changed my m-mind..." she said, stuttering the words slightly. Oh how she felt like a complete fool. "I just wanted to say.. I-I'm sorry for how I acted back there. I just..."

She sighed frustratedly at herself, her hands wringing together as her eyes kept looking around at the ground. Taking another deep breath, she readied herself for her confession. "Something very brutal happened a year ago and I'm not very social or open, and with a little push from my little brother, I guess I'm ready to let that go and take a chance on life. I'm not the type of person you'd find as a good friend, but if you really want to, I guess I could try," she said in a rush, biting her lower lip. Her gaze was still fastened to the ground, wishing that this could have been easier. Benny, you better be right...[/color][/size]

[kiwi]

Shade looked back at her with his bright golden eyes, he listened to her words; blank expression curving to form a small smile. "It's not a problem, really." he said in his smooth voice [very sexy voice -cracks up-], "Don't worry about it. I know how you feel, Something happened when me and my sister were children....it really affected her and now she hardly speaks to anyone else, only me." He shook his head, "No, I think you'd make a great friend! You seem really nice, honestly." His grin turned to a smile, "I'd like you to be my friend, it's hard to come by someone like you. You actually listen to what I have to say and you actually understand....not many others can do that."

The young man stretched, keeping back a yawn. He glanced up at the sky which was turning a captivating shade of orange and pink. "If only it was real..." he said with a sigh, "All it is, is fake beauty....I can't admire that..." Shade looked back at her, "We'll find a way out of here I just know it, but until then we'll just have to make do hmm?" He sat down on a smooth boulder laying his arms across his legs. "So how long have you been here? Me and Adriana have been here for seven years..." he said at an attempt to get to know her better. "We were only sixteen and they were going to experiment on her, but I told them to do me instead...that they should leave her alone. They actually agreed and well....then it happened. They gave me something, it made me tired....and when I woke up...I was a cat....it was so weird...". Shade thought back to the day, it was somewhat of a blur. The only part he remembered clearly was waking up in her sister's arms and the expression on her face....she looked so sad. He'd make sure to keep her happy, her happiness made him happy and it gave him strength to go on.

[Anya™]

Maia's face turned a light crimson at his comments. Don't push them away, Maia. Believe that he's telling the truth...[/b] A smile made it's way slowly but surely onto her face and she covered it up with a hand. She looked at him and ran a hand through her hair, but she had to trust him. She had to open herself up and let him be a friend, let herself confide in him as a friend. "I've only been here a year. I.. I was an experiment, too. If we had met anywhere else, I wouldn't be the same as you. Unlike your experience, how it failed... Mine worked. I didn't even put up a fight nor did I try to get away. I was too numb and uncaring when..."

Maia paused, becoming uncertain. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to recollect her wits and bring herself back together. "I lost my little brother. He was shot in a drive-by; the people, they didn't care one way or another who they shot. They just drove away. Then the police came and the ambulance team... All he wanted to do was watch the show at the carnival..." she confessed in a quiet voice, her ruby orbs trained on the sky over the edge of the mountain. "See... we weren't the wealthiest in my town. Both of our parents were killed in some skirmish and we only lived because they hid us in a secret compartment in our house. We tried to talk them into hiding with us, but they insisted that they were better off confronting them."

Maia turned away when she felt her eyes begin to burn, knowing that the tears were coming again. Biting her lower lip hard, she pressed her eyes closed and hugged her arms around herself, containing the unwanted emotion. When she thought she could go on, she wiped a hand over her cheeks to make sure there weren't any tears, then continued. "Apparently they didn't make it. They were interrogated if there was anyone else in the house and they declined. They shot them right then and there, with no chance of them protecting themselves or getting in a last word. We never had a chance to say good-bye properly..." Her voice had begun to crack slightly and she hated it. She hated that she was getting so emotional, but at the same time it felt good to finally get the unknown out in the open to at least one person.[/color][/size]

[kiwi]

Shade frowned as he listened to the story of her past, it reminded him of his own...a lot. "I'm so sorry for your loss..." he said wishing he could comfort he somehow. Maybe words would help? "You know it's okay to cry...think of it as washing the bad stuff away..." He took a deep breath, "Well since you shared your story I guess I should too...." And so he began to tell her, "When me and Adriana were about three, our older sister who was five at the time died suddenly from some mysterious illness...we never really got to know her because we were so little...".

Shade closed his eyes as the memories passed through his mind, "We weren't exactly rich either, we lived in a peaceful neighborhood though..." "Dad made just enough money to put food on the table and mom would usually sacrifice everything for us. Every Christmas she'd do her best to make sure we got a nice present, but she never got anything for herself....Dad didn't either." "They just did...so much for us , I'll never forget. So one day me and Adriana went outside to play with this ball Dad and Mom had gotten us for our birthday. It was just a simple game of catch and usually our parents would play with us." "So we went to go get them and...these two men snatched us, tied us up and taped our mouthes so we couldn't speak. They had tied up our parents too, even tighter....The men started whipping them; calling them dirty shifters and a waste of life...Even that didn't seem enough to please the men...The one took out a gun and pointed it at them. He told us to watch then told my parents to go to Hell....then all I remember is a gun shot and the sound of blood...then everything else is a blur. I only remember waking up in an alleyway, it was raining and so dark out....".

Shade nearly choked on all of his words. It hurt him so much inside to talk about the past, but he needed to tell someone else, talking to his sister didn't really help....she'd just get as upset as him. "And that's about it, somehow we ended up in an orphanage until we were old enough to be on our own...even though technically sixteen wasn't that old. Something startled Adriana and she accidentally shifted to a panther in public. So many people screamed and soon enough the police arrived. So I tried protecting her by changing to a panther myself. They shot tranquilizers at us and the next thing we knew we were here...." Shade sighed again running his hand aimlessly through his thick hair, "and that's the story of our life." [/size]

[Anya™]

Maia's body shook with the effort to keep her emotions down and in tune when she listened to his story. Her head was bowed so her bangs masked her eyes, her nails somewhat digging into her elbows. "I don't know what shifters had ever done to humans. I've never heard anything about them harming us... But now I can't be so sure that it wasn't just that we were afraid. If our race was really so intelligent and helpful toward the needy, then none of this would have happened... Benny wouldn't be dead and neither would our parents. I'm not too sure I want to get to know this world any more than I already do. Its too much and I don't think I can take it," she said, finishing the last of her words between clenched teeth.

Her hands had found their way to her head, fists full of damp azure hair. Eventually, she fell to her knees, then sat all the way down, tears streaming down her face. "I want Benny back and I want my old life back. They killed Benny and took him away. Shade, all I want is to let go of everything. Ever since they dragged me away, ever since I couldn't reach out to him, I've let go of my humanity and I can't bear it anymore. I want to let go but he won't let me." As much as she hated it, she couldn't bottle it up anymore. Maia usually had a monthly breakdown, rarely able to go any more than a month before it got to her. This place was slowly tearing her apart; the 'institute' and her memories.

[kiwi]

Shade stared at her with his golden eyes, trying to think of a way that would help her. His sister would do that occasionally, he'd always comfort her by acting like a cat....yeah. Perhaps it would work with her as well? Her and his sister were very alike, yet very different. He shifted to his panther form and nudged against her arm as if her were the small cat again. His long elegant tail curled around and brushed a few tears off of her face. "Don't let this place tear you apart, never let it do that..." he said nudging against her again. "I know it's hard, probably the hardest thing....but you have to be strong." Shade tried his best to help her out, everything he possibly could. "I know you miss your brother, but you don't need to miss him...he's not gone...he'll always be in your heart, just remember that. He's still here and so are my parents and your parents and my other sister....they are still alive....in our hearts."

He continued to use his tail to brush away her tears, "You can't let go, there is so much to hold on to...you just have to find it. Don't let this place destroy you, please. If you do that you're just letting them win....giving them their sick satisfaction. Please don't let that happen, you must be strong...I know you can be." Shade continued to rub his maw against her leg like a pet cat would do....he had become so accustomed to doing that it would be a hard habit to break...[/size]

[Anya™]

Without thought, Maia instantly buried her face in his fur, arms around his neck. "That's the problem, Shade..." she said quietly. She rememberd a childhood movie she used to watch with Ben, one of christmas and a heartless grinch. "My heart.. My heart is two sizes too small... not big enough to hold anything and not small enough to let go of some things..." Her mind listened to every word she had said and it clicked in her mind that she hadn't made much sense. At first, she had said she couldn't let go, then she said she could, and now she's saying she couldn't let go of some things. "I don't even know what I'm saying anymore..."

Maia moved away, brushing her face with the back of one of her hands, though it didn't really work all that well. "I.. I'm so confused. I'm like a robot inside... All my emotions and everything... they just disappear for awhile. Then out of the blue, I just erupt into some kind of fit. Two months ago I took out a few shifters in a row in the Cage.. Afterward, I didn't feel a thing toward them. No pity, nothing... That's why I'm not sure if you can trust me all that well as a friend. I'm not sure what would happen in one of my fits... For all I know, I could end up hurting you or Adriana..." And it was true. Maia didn't know exactly what happens in those more complex fits, but her breakdowns were as if it happened everyday.